Antagonist

I came to the realization that yesterday I was being kind of a jerk to my friends. Now I do normally act a little cocky and that's just an unfortunate part of my personality. I noticed though a couple of annoying retorts I spat out yesterday, just thinking of the most negative things that came to my mind instantly, regardless of whether they may have been tactless or just mean.

Some things were small and nitty, such as when a friend says "I like how they integrated the buttons into the touchpad" referring to the new MBP (macbookpro for the uninitiated). Now Instead of lauding what is actually a nice feature and that I kind of like, I thought of the first negative thing that came to my mind: "I dunno, it's kind of gimmicky." probably because of a bias against Apple computer that was ingrained in me from a very young age. It's a sad thing since despite their pitfalls, Apple has always been consistently ahead in a lot of places that count, namely visual, tactile, and overall user interface. Okay, so I could create a completely new blog post about this, so let's get back to me being a negative nancy.

The above example was only one of the small, nitty things that I was a downer about. The worse things are more shameful, like just being a jerk beyond any comedic point, and disagreeing with everything for the sake of it.

Conditioning? I think I have maybe made myself used to a climate of fighting and bickering in the past, and I snapped back into that mode. Sometimes I wish I could reach back into the past and kind of give myself a slap in the face.

I should take a vow of silence just to see how much negative crap pops into my head. It's too easy for me to just say whatever is on my mind, unfiltered. Anyways, enough self loathing. I will try to not be such a sourpuss.